Some Ghouls Wander By Mistake

Here in Michigan, it is Saturday night, and I’ve decided that, rather than walking around the block to Los Angeles for some warmth and fun, I would instead stay home and have a terrible headache - one of those types where it hurts to look at things, even boobies.

Actually, I’ll let you in on a little secret: The headache isn’t actually on purpose. I’ve had these many times, and rarely ever of my own choosing - they are the result of many a creative genius tapping into my immense subconscious in order to have great ideas before I can - sometimes many years in advance.

As evidence, I submit to you: zombies.

Ever since I was a child, I often thought how amazingly wonderful it would be to live in a world where corpses wandered the earth eating the brains of slow-moving screamy people, and little did I know that someone had already used this brilliant idea not years before I was born.

You will also note that nowhere, on anything related to zombies, am I given any credit whatsoever. “Aha!” You say, now realizing this which I have come to realize over my many years visiting planet earth: That suspenders should always be worn with pants, except in those emergencies which demand otherwise.

I suppose what I am getting to in all this, is that I really wish I could stand naked in volcano-fire, wearing nothing but a wooden mask, shaking my shaky stick all who oppose me - but tonight, I have opted to stay home, so I can have this headache.